Social media and young footballers: how parents can keep it safe

Most parents of young footballers have had the thought. Your child has just scored a cracker, you've got it on your phone, and everyone else on the touchline seems to have an account for their child. Should you start one too?

When Shane O'Brien joined us on Project Footballer, he brought around 20 years of experience in sports media, much of it working with professional players. His answer was not a simple yes or no. It depends, he said, on the child's character, the environment around them and how closely parents are prepared to manage it. What came through most strongly was that protecting the child has to come before any thought of profile.

Start with protection, not profile

Shane described looking at the question with three hats on. As a dad, he goes straight into protection mode, aware of the dangers online that go well beyond negative comments - the panel were clear these are safeguarding concerns. As a coach, he worries about children focusing on their social media rather than on developing their skills. And as a viewer, he admits social media is genuinely useful: children can watch and learn from top players in a way previous generations never could.

His bottom line for any parent considering an account:

"So if you're going to do it, do it properly and do it carefully."

As Shane put it, "eight year olds think they're 13, 13 year olds think they're 17." He gave the example of a bored child borrowing a parent's phone at a restaurant - the parent assumes they're playing a game, when they might be answering messages on the account set up for their football.

Keep the keys

Shane's strongest piece of advice was about access. Children tend to get their own phone around the move to secondary school, and he acknowledged that from that point parents can't control everything. Other families will set different rules, and children will see things on friends' phones.

So his advice was to stay signed in. If a child is going to interact with an account themselves, parents should "make sure you have full access constantly to the channels" - with passwords that stay known to parents, and regular checks on who the child is following, who they're talking to and what's being said in group chats. He suggested using the quieter moments, like 20 minutes in the car while they get changed before a game, to look through the channels. Over time you learn the patterns, and you spot problems early.

He was equally aware that heavy-handed control can backfire, with children pushing back or setting up a second account their parents don't know about. His approach was to give children some room to make the right choices, but to step in quickly when something could escalate - because a comment made in a group chat sits there in black and white and can be misread or used against them later. In his view, schools do what they can, but the main responsibility sits with parents.

Who's in the inbox

Once a young player has a visible account, messages follow. Shane listed who might be getting in touch: grassroots teams trying to recruit players through messaging, agents contacting young players to sign them up, and coaches approaching parents about moving clubs. Some of that comes with the best intentions. The question, he said, is whether the young player is ready for that channel to be open at all.

He also noted that some young players' follower lists are full of agents, and described the landscape as a "murky, murky world" of people who will promise families the world and then drop them. His conclusion was that the danger grows when parents aren't managing the channels or don't understand that landscape. Any contact about football should come to a parent, not to a child.

Highlights, scouts and the 'personal brand' question

This is where the conversation got more nuanced. Shane understands the pull of posting. Parents are proud, and football can be a harsh environment.

"Football's the most dismissive industry in the world. You have to convince, you can't just impress."

He said a player can have a quiet game for reasons outside their control, and a clip of what they can do may feel like a fair way to show it. One of the panel, who scouts, said he had found players through Instagram and made contact with their parents, and some academies appear to have relaxed their stance on families filming. Shane was told by a senior academy staff member that their club was now embracing it.

But he was just as clear about the limits. At the top academies, he said, clubs will usually know about a talented player through coaches and word of mouth anyway. Early promise is no guarantee either:

"They could be the best eight-year-old player in the world and they could be a very average 14-year-old player six years later."

On chasing followers and commercial deals, he urged real caution. Shane said the demands grow the more you do, and that balancing football, schoolwork and content can put a big strain on family life. "Don't go into it blind," he said, adding that he'd tell parents that if a child is good enough, those opportunities tend to come anyway - but chasing them takes a child down a different route.

Interestingly, Shane has noticed many older children now choosing not to post their football publicly at all, sharing moments only within small groups of friends. Some young people, it seems, are already wary of the attention.

What you post sends a message

The panel also talked about what parents' posts say to the child. One of our hosts referred to Dr Dweck's book Mindset and the idea that if parents only celebrate results - the hat-trick, the trophy - children can start linking their parents' approval to winning. That can build pressure to succeed every week. Celebrating the effort and the work behind a good day sends a healthier message.

Shane added that other families are on the same journey, and some will be going through a tough time. Children grow and change, and a player who looked destined for great things at eight may struggle at 12. Getting the tone right, he said, means thinking about how a post lands with everyone who sees it, not just about the moment.

Our take

We'd agree with Shane that there's no one-size-fits-all answer, and with his point that parents need to be adaptable and "on it". Where we'd go further is on the risks. For most young players, a public football account brings very little that a coach, a scout or a trial won't bring anyway, and it opens a door to strangers, comparison and pressure at an age when children aren't equipped to deal with them.

If a family does decide to share, we'd keep it parent-run, private where possible and focused on enjoyment and effort rather than building a following. The goal at this age is a child who loves playing football, not a profile.

What parents can do

Ask whether you need an account at all. Sharing with family in a private group may give you everything you want without the risks of a public page.

Check the platform's minimum age. Each platform sets its own, and many are well above primary-school age. Don't set up an account in a child's name to get around it.

Keep control of the account. Parents should hold the login and passwords, and check messages, followers and comments regularly.

Protect identifying details. Avoid posting a child's full name, school, home area, or club kit alongside training times and venues. Together, those make a child easy to find.

Make sure contact goes through you. Messages from clubs, agents, coaches or strangers should come to a parent. Children should know to tell you about any message that makes them uncomfortable, and never to keep it secret.

Celebrate effort, not just results. Think about what your posts say to your child, and to other families on the same journey.

Watch for pressure. If your child seems worried about how they look online, or more focused on clips than on playing, take a step back. If you're concerned about their wellbeing, speak to a qualified professional.